The Brightness of the Sun.

Perspective is everything. Truly it is. If you have a problem and do as we all have done, and focus and complain about the problem...to our friends and family; sometimes even holding resentment and complain about it to ourselves, it just makes the problem worse, makes us feel worse. Where I am finding if I am upset about something, I try to focus on a solution. I turn my perspective to that of what I want. Focus on how to get there, and I feel better. Try next time, and enjoy the brightness of a new perspective.

My Intention today is to remain opened.

Because of the abuse I suffered as a child, I find that I lived most of my life closed to people. I suppose I did this as a matter of protection. I have been called aloof, and honestly I find it difficult to feel empathy or a connection with another. It is like I don't recognise that the people around me have lives, or emotions of their own. I am not a mean person. But I am ego-centric. If I am in a bad mood, the people around me will feel it, mainly because I will take it out on them. I also have very little tolerance for people. I just am curt and remain closed to them.

I am trying to open up. Trying to experiene empathy. I would like to remain opened today. To listen when people are talking with me. To let them talk if they wish it. To give them respect. That is my intention for today. :)

On a personal note...which I suppose this whole blog is. In order to fight my depression, last year I joined the Running Room and started running. Well honestly I did it to lose the weight I carry around with me. I started with the Learn to Run, and had a very inspirational leader called Monica. I joined the 5km clinic right after, and found a joy in running. Monica is still my running partner. Last fall, I ran a half marathon. Running gives me an opportunity to feel. To experience emotions. I believe that is why I continue with it. I am in the 10km clinic right now. I run with Monica once a week, or at least try. Last night I did a very difficult 8km. Many times on that run, I wanted to quit. To turn home. But I did not. I started to quit...started walking...thought about heading home. But then changed what I was thinking of...which was home...and continued on my way. I stopped three times, wanting to go home. But again...I started myself up again. I feel proud that I was able to finish. And the feeling after a run...is so well worth it. Runner's high. It is more like happiness. That is why I run.

My Journey......

My name is Julie, but lately I have been more fond of being called Jules. It has to do with the shift that I am experiencing in my life this past year. I am 36 years old, a wife, a mother of two boys, and yet I have had a troubling past, one that has created behaviours that I am attempting to shift.

Julie, has always been filled with self doubt and little self worth. I was sexually abused as a child, and the outcome of that changed how I view men, myself, and the world around me. I lived a very egotistical life. Worth was determined by how one looked, their profession, and how much money they had. Happiness was something that could only be gained from outside influence, it was an emotional reaction. Depression or aloofness were my general companions. To feel close to anyone is a difficulty. I have always felt as an outsider, even within my own family. I felt moments of connection, but generally, I felt that I did not belong.

But I don't want to live like that any more. I have been opening myself, slowly but surely through out a year. I still have a ways to go...but with reading such works as Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks, I am opening more and more.....I am beginning to believe that I have purpose. I enjoy life and want to share that with you.