My Intention today is to remain opened.

Because of the abuse I suffered as a child, I find that I lived most of my life closed to people. I suppose I did this as a matter of protection. I have been called aloof, and honestly I find it difficult to feel empathy or a connection with another. It is like I don't recognise that the people around me have lives, or emotions of their own. I am not a mean person. But I am ego-centric. If I am in a bad mood, the people around me will feel it, mainly because I will take it out on them. I also have very little tolerance for people. I just am curt and remain closed to them.

I am trying to open up. Trying to experiene empathy. I would like to remain opened today. To listen when people are talking with me. To let them talk if they wish it. To give them respect. That is my intention for today. :)

On a personal note...which I suppose this whole blog is. In order to fight my depression, last year I joined the Running Room and started running. Well honestly I did it to lose the weight I carry around with me. I started with the Learn to Run, and had a very inspirational leader called Monica. I joined the 5km clinic right after, and found a joy in running. Monica is still my running partner. Last fall, I ran a half marathon. Running gives me an opportunity to feel. To experience emotions. I believe that is why I continue with it. I am in the 10km clinic right now. I run with Monica once a week, or at least try. Last night I did a very difficult 8km. Many times on that run, I wanted to quit. To turn home. But I did not. I started to quit...started walking...thought about heading home. But then changed what I was thinking of...which was home...and continued on my way. I stopped three times, wanting to go home. But again...I started myself up again. I feel proud that I was able to finish. And the feeling after a run...is so well worth it. Runner's high. It is more like happiness. That is why I run.